take 5

Official Lady Gaga Twitter

Celebrity: Lady Gaga Wears Another Meat Dress
But when I wear my meat dress, the kids think it’s “uncool.”

Entertainment: Wendy Williams Eats Fried Squirrel on Her Show
When it comes to dinner advice, I think I’ll stick with Rachel Ray.

Tech: Nearly Half of Americans Think That Facebook is a Fad
The only difference is the guy who invented slap bracelets was never worth $20 billion.

Travel: Virgin Atlantic to Allow Cellphone Calls on Some Flights
Finally, a group of people who will get more dirty looks than those of us with young children.

Politics: Obama Daughters Find Dad ‘Just the Right Amount of Embarrassing’
Stop showing my baby photos to the other leaders of the free world!

Getty Images

Celebrity: Pregnant Snooki Gives Up Tanning for Her Baby
Note to the Tanning Mom: You are now officially less responsible than Snooki.

Fashion: Jessica Simpson Launches Maternity Line
Because when you can’t find enough leopard-print caftans in the stores, it’s time to design them yourself.

Life: What Do You Do If Somebody ‘Steals’ Your Baby Name?
I think this is one case where murder is acceptable.

Health: Trendy Lopsided ‘Emo’ Haircuts Cause Permanent Eye Damage
Not worried. All that eye-rolling gives my son’s eyes plenty of healthy exercise.

Sports: NFL Player Takes Jilted Teen to Prom
Nothing like rolling up to prom in a pro football player’s Lamborghini to stick it to your ex-boyfriend.

WireImage/Getty Images

Celebrity: ‘Avengers’ Star Chris Hemsworth Welcomes First Baby
“My dad is Thor” wins every playground argument, ever.

Travel: World’s Longest Water Coaster Opens in Indiana
Well sure, but is it better than that time we lined up two Slip ‘n Slides in a row?

World News: If Current Trends Continue, Japan Will Have No Kids Under Age 15 by 3011
I bet the joys of motherhood do begin to wear off after a thousand years.

U.S. News: Ft. Lee, NJ Bans Texting While Walking
Ft. Lee teens now incapable of walking.

Entertainment: ‘Pregnant in Heels’ Star Rosie Pope Tweets Entire Delivery of Baby
Tweeting? I had trouble remembering to breathe.

Time.com

U.S. News: TIME’s Breast-Feeding Toddler Cover Becomes Hot Topic of Discussion
Primary topic: Do you think the mom and her son will go to separate therapists or share one?

Bizarre: Baby Kicked Off Flight for Being on ‘No-Fly’ List
Be very careful when referring to your baby’s diapers as “stink bombs.”

Life: 12% of Younger Moms Use Cellphone During Sex
Hey, during those precious moments away from the kids you have to multitask.

Travel: Harry Potter ‘Wizarding World’ Coming to Japan
And people said my son’s “Harry Potter vs. Godzilla” fan fiction was stupid.

Mother’s Day: Free Places to Take Mom for Mother’s Day
Seriously, guys? Do you really need to write an article giving them suggestions???