Take 5: You Are Simply Not Equipped to Operate This Toilet Paper

Step aside, let me help — I have a graduate degree in Wiping.

Here’s what else is happenin’ on the web today:

• Here’s the video of the airport security guard who made an amazing diving catch and saved a baby. [The Stir]

• These brothers have sat on Santa’s lap for 34 straight years. [HuffPo]

• How to make a proposal even better: Add Aaron Paul. [YouTube]

• People are making up fake babies to get discounts on Amazon, apparently. [Slate]

• The stories that made us weep at our desks in 2013. [The Frisky]

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