Top 9 Complaints A Baby Would Make If Only It Knew English

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A baby is like an alien in a strange new land. It wants to tell you what's wrong, but it's hard to get across such subtleties while screaming like a maniac.
#9
"Hey, you know what tastes like sh*t is these pureed carrots. Lemme get a bite of that cinnamon roll, hoss."
#8
"There you are Mommy OK where the hell did you go oh there you wait where'd you go oh my god this is blowing my mind right now."
#7
"I'm starting to think this bottle is the only thing keeping me alive."
#6
"Oh good. Another musical-frog toy. Only have like eight of those."
#5
"Knee-bouncing is all fun and games till somebody throws up on somebody else."
#4
"Stop trying to keep me awake. It's the middle of the day! You know I'm on the 2 a.m. shift tonight."
#3
"Do you realize how long that's been sitting in my diaper? Come on lady, do your job! You're the one who wanted a baby."
#2
"I don't even know anybody at this nursery. PLEASE tell me you did a background check on these babies."
#1
"Enough with the baby talk. You are a grown woman and this demeans us both."
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