Top 9 Complaints A Baby Would Make If Only It Knew English

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A baby is like an alien in a strange new land. It wants to tell you what's wrong, but it's hard to get across such subtleties while screaming like a maniac.
"Hey, you know what tastes like sh*t is these pureed carrots. Lemme get a bite of that cinnamon roll, hoss."
"There you are Mommy OK where the hell did you go oh there you wait where'd you go oh my god this is blowing my mind right now."
"I'm starting to think this bottle is the only thing keeping me alive."
"Oh good. Another musical-frog toy. Only have like eight of those."
"Knee-bouncing is all fun and games till somebody throws up on somebody else."
"Stop trying to keep me awake. It's the middle of the day! You know I'm on the 2 a.m. shift tonight."
"Do you realize how long that's been sitting in my diaper? Come on lady, do your job! You're the one who wanted a baby."
"I don't even know anybody at this nursery. PLEASE tell me you did a background check on these babies."
"Enough with the baby talk. You are a grown woman and this demeans us both."
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