Top 9 Fail-Proof New Year's Resolutions

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#9
To unsuccessfully quit Facebook.
#8
To wash a pair of pants with a marker in its pocket.
#7
To curse more creatively upon opening teenager’s phone bill.
#6
To take more accidental iPhone videos of people posing for a photo while shouting “Why isn’t it taking it?”
#5
To watch like four “Law and Orders” in a row before I realize what time it is.
#4
To mispronounce John Boehner’s last name at least twice in mixed company.
#3
To make ill-advised impulse purchases in the checkout line at Best Buy.
#2
To place the yoga DVD in the player at least once a month. (Though whatever happens after that is between me and Rodney Yee.)
#1
To be unrepentantly irresolute.
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