Top 9 Fashion Tips From Carol Brady

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#9
Your eye shadow should match your shoes, which should match your mood ring.
#8
Never discount the value of bellbottoms, which are good for covering unsightly leg scrapes caused by chasing six kids, a dog, a husband and a housekeeper.
#7
Pick one hairstyle and stick with it. Monotony is the law of nature!
#6
...Not to mention, shags are ALWAYS fashionable, no matter the year.
#5
...AND if you use enough Aquanet, it will freeze and harden into that style FOREVER and then you can sleep late.
#4
A sensible heel helps announce your presence around the house. The last thing you want to do is surprise a teenage boy alone in his bedroom.
#3
Always wear clean underwear. (Unless Alice is on vacation, in which case you can roll over to the rule of “Inside Out Is What It’s All About!”)
#2
Two words: prints and patterns. Never. Enough.
#1
If your clothing doesn’t melt near open flame, you need more polyester.
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