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Your eye shadow should match your shoes, which should match your mood ring.
Never discount the value of bellbottoms, which are good for covering unsightly leg scrapes caused by chasing six kids, a dog, a husband and a housekeeper.
Pick one hairstyle and stick with it. Monotony is the law of nature!
...Not to mention, shags are ALWAYS fashionable, no matter the year.
...AND if you use enough Aquanet, it will freeze and harden into that style FOREVER and then you can sleep late.
A sensible heel helps announce your presence around the house. The last thing you want to do is surprise a teenage boy alone in his bedroom.
Always wear clean underwear. (Unless Alice is on vacation, in which case you can roll over to the rule of “Inside Out Is What It’s All About!”)
Two words: prints and patterns. Never. Enough.
If your clothing doesn’t melt near open flame, you need more polyester.