Top 9 Impediments To Carol Brady Having Sex

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Alice walking into the room to make the bed.
Jan and Marcia fighting over a hairbrush just outside the door.
Mike accidentally calling her “Shirley Partridge.”
Alice confiding in Carol that she just slept with Sam.
Greg and Marcia singing “Time To Change” in the next bedroom.
Cindy crying uncontrollably, again, for like the 12th time today.
Mike putting off fixing the squeaky box springs.
Sex might mess up her hair.
The realization that she legally adopted three more children.
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