Instructions: How to Put On a Baby Carrier
Slide left strap over left shoulder. Slide right strap over right shoulder. (Note: Step 1 may require dislocation of shoulder. This is normal.)
On front of carrier, put the deal into that clicky thing.
Find large doodad, button it into the blue jimjobber. Cut off left sleeve.
Do you see that stick thing that's red? Attach that to the other red slidey deal.
Find the snap. If you don't see a snap, I don't know, there should be a snap there.
No, not that snap. The other one.
Wait, did we already do Step 5? Whatever. Let's put the baby in it. Why not, right?
Don't talk back to The Instructions. Do you want help or not?
If the baby is facing either You or Out, awesome, go get a sandwich. If the baby is dangling off your torso, return to Step 5, or probably just go get the stroller.