Top 9 Lines From My Eulogy For The Goldfish That Leapt Out Of The Tank To Its Death

VIA: Flickr: Benson Kua
You put a fish tank in your kid's room because you think it'll teach valuable lessons about nature and responsibility. Then the fish more or less try to kill themselves.
#9
"He's gone on to a better place. Like possibly a Filet-o-Fish sandwich."
#8
"To Booger, and to all those swimming to a new life throughout the county plumbing system. Godspeed."
#7
"You were a part of our family, Booger, and you will never be forgotten. You will, however, be replaced the next time I have 39 cents and am nearish to Petco."
#6
"On the plus side, the burial should take about three minutes."
#5
"You think this is bad? When I was 8, I had a goldfish that got poured down the garbage disposal!"
#4
"Now, obviously, when you invest in goldfish you're not looking at a terrifically optimistic survival rate. In my limited experience, goldfish last about as long as a stick of Juicy Fruit."
#3
"I said, 'Maybe we SHOULDN'T put the moray eel in the aquarium,' but nooooooo no one EVER LISTENS TO ME."
#2
"Ugh, you've got four left, stop crying."
#1
"Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me." (flush)
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