"I can't believe you're only giving me a $20 allowance. Even Korean sweatshops pay more than that."
"Justin Bieber cutting his hair was the single biggest tragedy this nation has ever faced. NEVER FORGET."
"Ugh, this hotel looks like a shack where the starving children in those sad commercials would live. You know, the ones with flies in their eyes."
"What's the point in showering? It's not like any guy ever notices me ever. I might as well die alone with two inches of dirt and grime on my skin. At least then the MAGGOTS will notice me."
"If you're going to pick me up in the minivan then I'd rather hitchhike with a kidnapper."
"I am the only 17-year-old on this entire planet that doesn't have an iPhone. Even HOMELESS TEENS have iPhones."
"No one will ever love me the way Edward loves Bella."
"A prom dress from J.C. Penney? Why don't I just wear paper towels and pipe cleaners?"
"I swear to god, if you buy me a used Nissan Sentra I will drive it off a cliff and jump out halfway down so even my flaming corpse won't be seen in it."