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"No, it's totally fine that you forgot the baby bag. We'll just wipe his butt with KFC towelettes."
"From a safety point of view, it's good that you drive like an 87-year-old European."
"You don't HAVE to use the blinker. Just like our entire family doesn't HAVE to survive this trip."
"Don't worry, I'm sure the radio will drown out the sounds of our being lost."
"Oh, THIS route is really original."
"Stop him from crying? Sure. You just hold the steering wheel while I detach my breasts."
"Are you keeping this blackened banana skin for posterity?"
"Sure, I'll read the map. I pushed your baby out of my vagina, but I'll read the map too."
"No, I don't see the extra diapers, but at least you brought your meticulously curated driving playlist."