Top 9 Questions I Can't Answer About My Tween

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#9
How her brain knows to make that unholy huffing sound at the precise instant my mouth opens.
#8
If, after all that texting, she still technically has fingerprints.
#7
How she thinks I can’t see her Facebook page.
#6
How her phone hasn’t melted into a pile of text messaging goo.
#5
Why helping her “learn to find herself and be original” means dropping her off at Hollister.
#4
How she can make out with a tear-out poster of Zayn Malik with her door open, but CANNOT HAVE A SEX TALK WITH MOOOOOOOOOM.
#3
How she has more mood swings in a day than I did during pregnancy. WHICH IS A LOT, MISSY.
#2
What that f***ing look means.
#1
If she really thinks YOLO is an appropriate thing to shout out at church.
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