Top 9 Reasons I Am Also Not Eating My Vegetables

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Um, have you seen the price of kale lately?
After months of only seeing them strained or spit up, peas seem to have lost their luster.
My definition of “vegging out” involves wine, not stupid carrots.
The kids are right: Turns out lima beans are f**king gross.
It’s not like there’s fresh celery in the vending machine at work.
However, there are peanut M&Ms. I’m not made of stone, people.
Vegetables really don’t fit in my all-gluten diet, I don’t think? IDK, I haven’t looked at it that closely.
As a grown-up, I can technically leave the table whenever I want.
WAIT, do Bloody Marys count?
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