And I'm not just making passive-aggressive jokes BECAUSE I MISS IT SO MUCH OR ANYTHING.
I mean, who wants to miss "Kimmel"?
It's really difficult to text while unconscious.
Much easier to hallucinate when sleep-deprived.
If you're going for that hip bedhead look, they have hair gel for that now.
Thomas Edison got fewer than 5 hours per night. Snooki gets 11. So it doesn't even work.
No matter how hard you try to fall asleep thinking "Hugh Jackman Hugh Jackman Hugh Jackman," your dreams usually involve your fifth-grade teacher at a car wash.
The likelihood of cartoon ZZZZZZZZZZs emerging from your mouth is very low.
Why sleep? You're just gonna be up in 20 minutes anyway.