Your kid's report card doesn't have Fs; it has FUs.
The teacher demonstrates dodgeball techniques on your kid. During Spanish class.
All of your kid's vocabulary words are synonyms for degenerate.
You told the teacher your kid's birthday is coming up and she said, "We'll see about that."
The teacher gives your kid detention for having the gall to raise his hand and draw attention to his existence.
When your kid asked the teacher, "Guess what I want to be when I grow up?" the teacher responded, "A contributing member of society?"
Your kid keeps complaining about the school bully, and when you call the teacher to talk about it, she says, "Oh, that was me."
Your kid's homework assignment is a school transfer application.
The teacher keeps sending him to the nurse to find out why he makes her sick.