Did it hurt when you fell over those Legos and into my heart?
My love for you is like Play-Doh: It’s all over your house but you can’t figure out where it came from.
Do you come to this free flu-shot clinic often?
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d move LMNOP because every kid thinks those are just one letter and it’s terrible to explain.
I must be a snowflake, because I’ve fallen for you and filled you with dread because I remind you of being stuck with the kids at home on a snow day.
Is that an ear thermometer in your robe pocket or are you just happy to see me?
If you were a laser you’d be set on stunning, but not pointed in someone’s eyes, because that’s against the rules.
Did you clean your pants with Windex? ‘Cause I can see myself in them. Or did you use an organic high-shine cleaner with a recipe you found on Pinterest, which is more environmentally sound and safe for kids?
If you were a booger, I’d pick you first off that wall your son won’t stop wiping his boogers on even though you’ve pleaded with him to stop.