Top 9 Things Carol Brady Needs For Christmas

VIA: Hulton Archive/Stringer/Archive Photos/Getty Images
Fancy new station wagon
Better health insurance for the next kid who breaks a damn nose
Something from Sam that isn’t a meatloaf
Shag carpet shampoo
Earplugs for Greg "Johnny Bravo" Brady
A kid-free trip to Hawaii with Mr. Brady
A kid-free trip to Hawaii without Mr. Brady
A dress without a floral print
Help who doesn’t throw out her back every other day
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