Seriously, how many full days' worth of mucus are in a baby? Because I can confirm that it's apparently more than 9.
No, really. Hurry.
Honey, the baby is broken. Where's the one from the hospital?
Does he REALLY need these teeth? I mean, REALLY?
WHAT DO YOU WANT, BABY? MONEY? HERE, TAKE MY WALLET, YOU SHRIEKING MACHINE.
Hi Nancy, can I borrow some pliers? Thanks. Also, can you kill me with these pliers?
YES I KNOW I JUST GOT APPLESAUCE IN YOUR NOSE. STOP ALL OF YOUR MOUTHSQUIRMING.
You think they hurt coming in, wait until they have to come out.
The next mom I see snuggling with a cooing baby gets suckerpunched in the neck.