Top 9 Things I Find Myself Thinking While My Son Is Teething

Seriously, how many full days' worth of mucus are in a baby? Because I can confirm that it's apparently more than 9.
#9
Kill me.
#8
No, really. Hurry.
#7
Honey, the baby is broken. Where's the one from the hospital?
#6
Does he REALLY need these teeth? I mean, REALLY?
#5
WHAT DO YOU WANT, BABY? MONEY? HERE, TAKE MY WALLET, YOU SHRIEKING MACHINE.
#4
Hi Nancy, can I borrow some pliers? Thanks. Also, can you kill me with these pliers?
#3
YES I KNOW I JUST GOT APPLESAUCE IN YOUR NOSE. STOP ALL OF YOUR MOUTHSQUIRMING.
#2
You think they hurt coming in, wait until they have to come out.
#1
The next mom I see snuggling with a cooing baby gets suckerpunched in the neck.
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