VIA: Brand X Pictures/Thinkstock
Breakfast in bed? Sure. Homemade card? Cute. But let's be clear about what we really want:
One hour of solitude. Everyone out of the house.
A new pair of shoes. Filled with cash. And diamonds. And gift certificates for more shoes.
Uninterrupted sleep. Even if the house is burning down.
A clean shirt. That means not even the faintest outline of spit-up.
A day without tears. Not mine, not my kids', not my mailman's.
Husband, meet dishwasher. Now load it.
A meeting with my friends Chablis, Chardonnay, Merlot and Stoli.
A crappy gift from my husband. I can and will use it as leverage at a later date.
A text from my daughter. Should read: "I've come to the realization that your advice and wisdom and not my immature, short-sighted decisions should guide me and provide a moral framework to lead me into adulthood. I also pledge to never date anyone in a band."