Top 9 Things I Tell My Kids Are Actually Against The Law
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#9
Removing the child locks from cars before they're 18.
#8
Letting kids push grocery carts without assistance from a grownup.
#7
Purchasing candy before 11 a.m. (Note: only applies to children.)
#6
Using more than three squirts of flavored sweetener from the slushie machine. That's basically stealing and can get you 7 years in the slammer.
#5
Browsing through Toys 'R' Us for more than 45 minutes.
#4
Failing to apply sunblock at the pool.
#3
Touching, smelling or manhandling Mommy Juice.
#2
Complaining about my status updates on Facebook. First Amendment, freedom of speech, BOOM.
#1
Peeing on a tree at the playground. Don't believe me? Try it. Watch what Park Security does.
