Stumble in carrying two boxes of wine and yell, "Let's move some books, bitches!"
Instead of counting change, open the register and say, "Take whatever you think is fair."
Wear an embarrassingly low-cut blouse and tell browsing dads, "Buy a book, get a look."
Distributing Xbox is totally better than bookmarks.
Yell to the PTO president across the room, "Did you buy the last copy of 'Cosmos Kama Sutra?'"
Mention to random parents that their children would probably do better with a picture book.
Toss the Eric Carle titles on the floor and say, "I'm going to start a burn pile for the sh*tty ones."
Collect all the ones they made into movies and put them on a shelf called "Time Savers."
When ringing up "Where the Red Fern Grows," loudly say, "You know both dogs die, right?"