Your Childless Friend On: Preventing Sexual Activity

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Dear Childless Friend,c My daughter is in fifth grade and has recently started to take in interest in boys. She asked if she could go to movies with a boy and I said no. Am I overreacting?

- Chaste Charlotte

Dear Frigid Fran, I mean Chaste Charlotte,

You are definitely not overreacting. Only let her watch supervised cartoons about abstinence until shes 18.

- Your Childless Friend

Dear Childless Friend,

My teenage son has a female study partner. They usually study in his room to avoid the noise from my other eleven children. How can I prevent them from doing more than studying?

- Momus Interruptus

Dear Interruptus,

Eleven kids? You're not allowed to talk.

- Your Childless Friend

Dear Childless Friend,

I have a 17-year-old daughter who has been with her boyfriend for a year. She thinks she is ready for sex, but I really don't think she is! How can I convince her? - Premature Fornication

Dear Premature,

Show her the video of her own birth. Libido crushed.

- Your Childless Friend